"I'm very discreet. Don't worry, no one will ever find out."
Kristin: Hi Mr. Spitzer
Elliott: Haha, please, my Dad is Mr. Spitzer. You can just call me Governor Spitzer.
Kristin: Hehe, sure thing Governor.
Elliott: Now you're sure this whole thing is uh.. umm., just gonna stay between you and me, right?
Kristin: Hehe, of course silly. I'm 6 diamonds, and one of those "D's" stands for 'Discreet'.
Elliott: Heh, okay. That works for me.
[Spitzer akwardly leans in and attempts to kiss her]
Kristin: Whoa, slow down there Governor. First we gotta take care of the payment. I'm 4,000 dollars an hour.
Elliott: Oh right, my mistake. Okay, so 4,000 dollars an hour. That sounds reasonable. Can I pay on a pro-rata basis? Say I'm done in 30 seconds, can I just give you 100 bucks or so?
Kristin: Sorry sexy, it's a flat rate, but I'm well worth every penny... or should i say diamond? hehe
Elliott: Okay, let me wire you the money [takes out his blackberry]. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's initiate the intercourse.
Kristin: wow, you're such a dirty talker
Elliott: [thinks to himself] "Stillll got it!"
Kristin: So what do you have in mind? Before we get busy, I should just let you know that I'm kind of like Lebron James..
Elliott: What do you mean?
Kristin: I'm quite talented at a number of positions, hehe
Elliott: That's good to know because I have a special request
Kristin: What is it? The legistlative leglock? The gubenetorial crane? The Harry S Truman?
Elliott: No no no, none of those. This is something different.. Something WILD
[Elliott whispers something in Kristen's ear]
Kristin: Are you out of your mind? You want me to do THAT? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?
Elliott: Come on, I think it'd be fun, and I'm a realllly good tipper..
Kristin: I'm sorry, but that's just not safe and I don't feel comfortable doing that. Having sex in the shower might sound like a good idea, but over 200 people a year are injured in shower-related mishaps. We could easily slip and fall and break a limb.
Elliott: Come on Special K, the Governor's hungry!!
Kristin: Do you want the sex or not?
Elliott: Okay okay, we'll do it your way...
[she proceeds to unbutton his shirt]
Elliott: You ready B?
Kristin: Oh yeah...
[15 minutes of awkward governor sex ensue. The 2 are now lying face up in bed together]
Elliott: Wow, that was amazing.
Kristin: Thanks, it is kinda my job.
Elliott: No not that. Your voice... it almost sounds majestic.
Kristin: Really?!! Wow. It's funny you say that because my real aspiration is to be a singer. Hey, I'll give you the link to my myspace and you can check me out.
[Kristen gets up from the bed to get a pen and paper. She's only wearing panties and a bra]
Elliott: Hey, I think I'm going to call you K-mart from now on
Kristin: Huh? Why?
Elliott: Because you're clothes are half off!
Kristin: [pretends to laugh and remembers why guys like this need to go to prostitutes in the first place]
Elliott: [continues his K-mart analogy to himself and thinks "and because you also service 2,000 people a day"]
Kristin: Shoot. I can't find a pen, how bout I call you later and let you know?
Elliott: Sure, just don't forget to dial 9 first!
[Kristin and Elliott share a hearty laugh]
Where are they now?
After resigning over the prositution scandal, Elliott Spitzer's wife divorced him 2 months later. Elliott currently stars on VH1's newest reality dating show "Spitz or Swallows" where he attempts to find true love.
Kristin helped create a female musical supergroup comprised of herself and Paris Hilton.
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