"I'm very discreet. Don't worry, no one will ever find out."


Kristin: Hi Mr. Spitzer

Elliott: Haha, please, my Dad is Mr. Spitzer. You can just call me Governor Spitzer.

Kristin: Hehe, sure thing Governor.

Elliott: Now you're sure this whole thing is uh.. umm., just gonna stay between you and me, right?

Kristin: Hehe, of course silly. I'm 6 diamonds, and one of those "D's" stands for 'Discreet'.

Elliott: Heh, okay. That works for me.

[Spitzer akwardly leans in and attempts to kiss her]

Kristin: Whoa, slow down there Governor. First we gotta take care of the payment. I'm 4,000 dollars an hour.

Elliott: Oh right, my mistake. Okay, so 4,000 dollars an hour. That sounds reasonable. Can I pay on a pro-rata basis? Say I'm done in 30 seconds, can I just give you 100 bucks or so?

Kristin: Sorry sexy, it's a flat rate, but I'm well worth every penny... or should i say diamond? hehe

Elliott: Okay, let me wire you the money [takes out his blackberry]. Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's initiate the intercourse.

Kristin: wow, you're such a dirty talker

Elliott: [thinks to himself] "Stillll got it!"

Kristin: So what do you have in mind? Before we get busy, I should just let you know that I'm kind of like Lebron James..

Elliott: What do you mean?

Kristin: I'm quite talented at a number of positions, hehe

Elliott: That's good to know because I have a special request

Kristin: What is it? The legistlative leglock? The gubenetorial crane? The Harry S Truman?

Elliott: No no no, none of those. This is something different.. Something WILD

[Elliott whispers something in Kristen's ear]


Kristin: Are you out of your mind? You want me to do THAT? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?

Elliott: Come on, I think it'd be fun, and I'm a realllly good tipper..

Kristin: I'm sorry, but that's just not safe and I don't feel comfortable doing that. Having sex in the shower might sound like a good idea, but over 200 people a year are injured in shower-related mishaps. We could easily slip and fall and break a limb.

Elliott: Come on Special K, the Governor's hungry!!

Kristin: Do you want the sex or not?

Elliott: Okay okay, we'll do it your way...

[she proceeds to unbutton his shirt]

Elliott: You ready B?

Kristin: Oh yeah...

[15 minutes of awkward governor sex ensue. The 2 are now lying face up in bed together]

Elliott: Wow, that was amazing.

Kristin: Thanks, it is kinda my job.

Elliott: No not that. Your voice... it almost sounds majestic.

Kristin: Really?!! Wow. It's funny you say that because my real aspiration is to be a singer. Hey, I'll give you the link to my myspace and you can check me out.

[Kristen gets up from the bed to get a pen and paper. She's only wearing panties and a bra]

Elliott: Hey, I think I'm going to call you K-mart from now on

Kristin: Huh? Why?

Elliott: Because you're clothes are half off!

Kristin: [pretends to laugh and remembers why guys like this need to go to prostitutes in the first place]

Elliott: [continues his K-mart analogy to himself and thinks "and because you also service 2,000 people a day"]

Kristin: Shoot. I can't find a pen, how bout I call you later and let you know?

Elliott: Sure, just don't forget to dial 9 first!

[Kristin and Elliott share a hearty laugh]


Where are they now?

After resigning over the prositution scandal, Elliott Spitzer's wife divorced him 2 months later. Elliott currently stars on VH1's newest reality dating show "Spitz or Swallows" where he attempts to find true love.

Kristin helped create a female musical supergroup comprised of herself and Paris Hilton.



E.T meets Elliott Spitzer

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Leaked FBI transcript of Elliott Spitzer's first conversation with Kristin, February 13, 2008