Ralph Nader declares himself eligible for the NFL Draft
Ralph Nader, the champion of consumer safety has decided to enter the NFL draft, and some of the top NFL prospects are none too pleased. "It's a damn shame man," said Matt Ryan of Boston College, "he's runing my chances of being drafted first, or even second."
Not surpringly, Nader is not a household football name and, in fact, he hasn't even touched a pigskin in 24 years. But with a lot of grassroot support, football analysts speculate that he could go high in the first round.
What position would the lanky 6'4 Nader play?
According to ESPN analyst Ron Jaworski, Nader would fit in nicely on the defensive side of the ball. "What I love about this guy is that he's tenacious, a complete bulldog. He's a consumer safety advocate and that's exactly where I see him causing the most damage, at the safety position."
Nader catching a pass during warm-ups
NFL draft guru Mel Kiper, Jr. agrees. "If he sees a running back with an obnoxiously high salary bust into the secondary, you better believe that Nader is gonna lay the smack down."
Nader, who just recently competed at the NFL combine, impressed scouts and even won over some fans with his on-field antics. During one particular tackling drill, Nader layed out a sophmore wide receiver from the University of Miami, proceeded to stand over him and shouted "BUCKLE-UP!" in a gravely voice while actually mimeing the motion of putting on a seatbelt. The 300+ crowd at the Superdome went nuts.
One would think that a 74 year old man entering the NFL would be the feel good story of the year, but some NFL prospects believe that Nader might end up costing them a spot on an NFL roster.
Chris Long, a projected top 2 pick from Virginia, didn't mince words at a press conference yesterday. "Does anyone, including Ralph himself, actually think that he has a shot to get drafted? He's just a distraction, a big joke."
Darren McFadden, a top rated RB from Arkansas shared those same sentiments. "Seriously, man? SERIOUSLY? This guy's a clown, dawg. If he was really interested in the NFL don't you think he would have been doing something football related over the past year? This guy only comes out around Draft season, shows up at the combine looking lanky as hell and expects to jump right in."
Nader, however, was true to form and remained completely un-apologetic. "People are afraid that I might knock them down a notch or two in the draft, and if that's the case, don't blame me, blame yourself for not being in better shape you f'in pussy. If I see you comin over the middle you better buckle up before you get buckled up."
The NFL draft gets underway on April 26.